The use of our years
Barack Obama yesterday said this of Chadwick Bosman: “To be young, gifted and black; to use that power to give kids heroes to look up to; to do it all while in pain- what a use of his years.”
These last words stopped me in my tracks. They got me mulling over how I have been making use of my years, my twenties in particular. As I approach 30, I find myself questioning my place in the world and the kind of life I want to make for myself.
My twenties, I must admit, have been full of adventures and misadventures alike, love and loss, pain and laughter, heartbreak and healing. While I have come to be at home with myself, found the boldness to offer that to the world, I have been afraid too. I have questioned tirelessly and just like Maya Angelou; have learned that I still have a lot to learn.
Nevertheless, here’s a little of what I know so far:
Learn, unlearn and relearn: Don’t shy away from the learning of new things- I only learnt how to ride a bicycle a few months ago. Be ready to unlearn some of things you had known to be true all your life- that life follows a certain script- go to school, get a job, get married, have kids. Take that script, tear it up and write your own! I have found myself re-learning lessons I had forgotten, like the sheer joy in stopping to pick flowers to put in my hair. Remember when you were excited by the smallest of things? When did that stop?
Living with yourself-:My body is my home- a dwelling for my soul and my spirit. I have learnt that I must treat with love and gentleness. Home, for me, is the place where Maya Angelou refers to when she says: “We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do”
Bullshit jobs: When going through school, I was taught that hard work pays. That if I studied hard, passed my exams, got a degree, I would be rewarded with a highly paying job right after graduation. Raise your hand if this how life happened to you. Now raise your hand if like me, a job was harder to find, leave alone a well-paying one that lets you practice what you learnt in school. A friend of mine recently shared amazing words by Toni Morrison “whatever the work is, do it well- not for the boss but for yourself. You are not the work you do; you are the person you are.”
Create your own subculture: Define and redefine who you are, what you stand for. Question, grow, no matter how uncomfortable it is! Only by going through the discomfort of growing up will we know the value of its comfort.
Have a good cry: Remember when your mum would whoop your ass and tell you not to make a sound? If you cried, you were threatened with more caning. Remember how you would swallow those sobs, your lips trembling as you held back the tears? No more! A good cry after a rejection for a job, a scholarship, a heartbreak, a rough day at work does wonders. Don’t hold in pain, you won’t get an extra beating.
Leave space for adventure- Know what you want but leave space for adventure. By now, I know that I love the outdoors- walking, hiking, camping. I know that I love reading and travelling. But have I closed myself off to the possibility of acquiring a new skill? A new hobby? Making a new friend? No! The pleasant surprise in learning that I enjoy cycling, the joy in making a new friend, the thrill in discovering new places. The world is big and wide and wonderful, and I will only stop exploring when I die.
Learn from your friends: Consider yourself blessed if you have friends you can learn from. I have a friend who wanted to have her own website to publish her stories. You would think she paid someone to do it but no, the girl took web design classes and built her own website! She has taught me a new meaning of boldness- modesty be damned.
It’s never too late: I have this two very artistic friends who had always wanted to turn their craft into money- making ventures. They both started doing it after years of putting it off. One has launched a notebook collection while the other is making paintings! Never too late to start!
Write it down: I have a friend who takes journaling really seriously. It helps her bring plans to life, keep track of them and evaluate her progress. Writing things down is usually the first show commitment.
How are you using your years? All I know is that like Frank Sinatra, I want to say: “I’ve lived a live that’s full. To think I did all that, and may I say, not in a shy way, I did it my way. Yes, it was my way!”
Do it your way this week!
